Gosh, I love it when a plan finally starts to come together. I've been working with the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant for months now to try to get a voluntary benefits plan in place for their employees. I spent a lot of time to get Smithers to even introduce me to his boss, Mr. Burns. See, he knew Mr. Burns wouldn't spend a plug nickel more than he had to on his employees. Employers always tend to think of insurance as expensive and benefits as a hassle.
Finally, one day, I had an idea. I called Mr. Burns office when I knew Smithers was at lunch. My thought was that a stingy old coot like Mr. Burns probably brown-bagged it every day. Well, I got lucky. He was kind of rude at first but, he couldn't cut me off with his mouth full. Anyway, I told him that he could offer these benefits to his employees at little or no cost to himself, the business owner, since the employees pay for it themselves. I went on to tell him that by offering these benefits on a pre-tax basis he would actually save money on the employer portion of his FICA taxes. He was still a little skeptical and asked what it would cost to get this set up. I told him that I could actually set up a Section 125 plan through the insurance company at no cost. Well, he really couldn't say no at that point.
I just had one thing I had to do. I'd need to Simpsonize my professional portrait to fit in a little better in the little misfit town of Springfield. "Thank you so much, Mr. Burns!" I said. He said, "No. Thank you...and just call me 'Monty'".
Compare this photo to the one in my sidebar. How'd I do?
